Self Compassion Part Two: Practicing Self Care

Many times, if not every time, I am hard on myself if I offend or upset someone, even if it was inadvertent, or if the other person provoked me into reacting the way I did. My mind goes on a guilt trip even if I am not at fault and before I know it I exhibit psychosomatic symptoms including but not limited to digestive issues, anxiety, pains and aches. When I have setbacks in my recovery, I feel blue. But my mentor reminds me that these are dips that everyone faces and that these are the times when I need to be most compassionate and patient with myself. After all, my mind, body and soul have been affected; holistically speaking. It took me a while to inculcate this practice because I found it ‘selfish’ and absurd. I always wanted to be selfless so I found this practice ironic. How could I put myself first? Then my mentor told me that I was not being selfish if I cared for myself first. Even in selfless there was ‘self.’

Remember when you’re aboard a flight and the crew instructs you to wear your oxygen mask first before assisting other passengers in the event that the cabin pressure decreases? This is because you will not be able to help the other person if you are unable to breathe yourself! Similarly self care and practicing it intentionally is important and not selfish. Someone correctly said: “You cannot serve from an empty vessel.”

So whenever we suffer from an impediment in life and start to self-criticize and demean ourselves, we need to stop that and be kind and respect ourselves instead. This is the relationship that needs the most nurturing.

“A friend in me is a friend indeed.” At the end of the day we are our own best friend because no one else will or can understand us better than the way we do. So love your best friend, love yourself. You deserve your own love more than anyone else.

More simple tools that can help us with this are as follows:

1) Mirror work: Look at yourself in the mirror and say positive things to yourself, for example, “I love you” or “You are beautiful.” It may seem comical initially but it helps.

When I started falling ill, I stopped looking at myself in the mirror because when I did, I saw a blood drained person begging to be saved from what was engulfing her and I would pity her. So I stopped looking because it hurt to see that wounded person. Then a mentor recently told me about this tool “Mirror work” and how I could use it in a positive way. I had to look at myself in the mirror and say positive things. Initially I found it silly. But then gave it a shot. I started out with a simple smile at first and then I started to say “You are beautiful.” At first I thought this is weird and maybe self absorbed? But gradually I realized I wasn’t praising my external beauty. I was praising and celebrating my inner beauty, strength, resilience, the battles that I had fought and my achievements. Now I see a brave warrior when I look at myself in the mirror, who never gave up and continues to fight each day.

2) Hug yourself: Who doesn’t love a warm embrace?! Oxytocin release!

3) Forgive yourself: Easier said than done! I am still working on this. But I try to do it as soon as I find myself getting caught in a web of blame, self judgment and criticism. And it helps.

4) Do not judge yourself: This is once again easier said than done. But let's try?

5) Positive affirmations: Say these when you wake up or feel blue. Post them on your wall or save them as a screensaver on your laptop or on your phone. Whatever works! I pasted some below that one of my mentors learnt from her mentor. His name is Sadhguru. It says morning affirmations, but I think you can practice them whenever you want to.